Waleli e`tsi

mood: excited

At 4:00 am, Miss Madison Marie put in her appearance. She weighed 7.5 pounds and is 19 inches long. Happy Birthday Madison! I am a great – Gramma! (by default) :)

mood: okay

I’ve decided that I will only blog on MySpace, letting 2 of my other blogging spots go – one partly do to economic reasons and the other for the privacy thing / element that I can get there. I don’t intend to get a blogspot, a my face account and I refuse to twitter. I don’t care that MySpace isn’t the hippest place to be at all. Shit I am closer to being 60 than 55 so I don’t need nor do hip… Most all of whom I like to keep up with know where to find me, or not.

I guess I have outgrown a lot of it all. I don’t need so much more drama in my life. Truth be told, I have enough for a small country. Plus with my writing (and this is not a passing fancy at this point) I am busier than I thought I would. I still don’t have my 3^rd operation set or even anticipated yet. I have made great strides with my knees recuperations though. I am not where I wanted to be a year ago, but I am ok with it.

I am more bitter with life than what I want to be and I am working on that as much as I can. What has happened to me personally has really taken me for a loop and I am dealing with it.

If people are upset with me, so be it. I have never claimed to be anyone that I wasn’t. What you see is what you get has been my motto for many years and it hasn’t changed.

Just thought I would post this here.

mood: disappointed

Another wasted day? Perhaps, but at least I am all caught up on my sleep.

I need to get trash out and perhaps cut the lawn and all since no one bothered to show up and do the job they were supposed to do.

Disappointments seem to be my strong suit.

::sigh::

mood: groggy

music: enya

After a marathon cleaning session on Saturday, I was too tired to make the cake and beans for my son’s house – I felt bad about that. When I woke up on Sunday – I was leery to even go. It is hard by myself (there I said it) at this house. I like the peace, but not the aloneness.

Saturday Gary, Terri and JT went to Tappan – they didn’t get around to going until after noon. They borrowed my truck.

Gary lost his glasses, Terri almost broke her foot and JT was pretty good. I guess the grass was over 2 foot tall. They returned after 8:30 when I was tiring down.

Drive to my son’s was ok – I did get him a cake and card from Kenny. We stopped at Wendy’s for something to eat and drove.

It rained and then poured to the point I should have pulled over – Kenny and I were laughing as every Memorial Day when Chad is involved, it rains.

Took 1 hour to go 12 miles. I thought a horrific crash or something. Nope, just a big fair of sorts, blocking progress of a 2 lane highway.

We chilled. I hope they weren’t too bored. They got an earful of all about me and what I can do. We talked about totems, healings and such. Ali had questions – which was cool, but I think eldest boy is ready to take me to the nearest psycho ward. Maybe now they can understand me better, maybe not.

Kenny and I went out of our way to stop at Tappan to look for Gary’s glasses without any luck. We will return this weekend to mow.

Brings me to Monday – for the most part I slept. I went to bed early Monday night and slept in until this morning. I have the upstairs sparkling and I need to clean downstairs.

Gary does say he is coming back.

Do I want this to be so is my question.

mood: moody

This is so weird. For the 1^st time in over 16 years I am not going to Tappan during the Memorial Day weekend. I decided not to go and cut grass as Terri and Gary were going to do that on Saturday. As I want to keep Kenny’s walking and pain level down to a minimum, I thought why should I go and bust my butt trying to use the riding lawn mower – with my knee still swollen and such. I will let them do it.

I’ll veg at home doing some gardening and things. I still have one store to go to (maybe this afternoon) and be done with it. I need to bake a pineapple upside down cake for the eldest boy’s birthday and make up a small batch of baked beans to take to their house on Sunday. I am looking forward to that trip.

Kenny’s pain level is still dropping – he likes to take his crushed up Bufferin with a few drops of honey – says it tastes good to him. I am just thankful that it works!

It got a bit cooler today – almost need a jacket. For me to say that still amazes me. I am losing weight – at least my legs are getting thinner. I was told by the dermatology doctor that I don’t look my age at all. Don’t have a bunch of wrinkles that I guess I should. I give myself a year and then we shall see if I recognize myself! LMAO!

Terri officially became a 1^st time home owner – I am really happy for her in spite of what all has happened to me. She truly never had a “home” before and I hope this will bring some peace into her life. Now to find her a hubby… J

I sure could use a nap - been getting up to early the past few mornings. 5 am is way early for anyone that goes to bed after 2.

It is now Saturday – I have had my coffee, outdoors no less, read some, filled the feeders, pulled a handful of weeds, got the stuff ready for Gary’s Tappan trip and watered the plants. Now I am nursing my second cup of joe, and waiting on Kenny to get up.

What a beautiful and cool morning.

I was thinking of Daddy and how he refused promotion in the Army because he really abhorred killing people or ordering people to do that and instead ran the mess hall as a corporal attached to Patton. He had German POW’s that worked for him and he would scour the German countryside for fresh eggs and produce for sugar and chocolate. Officers, enlisted and the prisoners ate the same – nothing special for anybody.

Thank you Daddy for making me look at people in the same way. We are all special! I still miss you after all these years.

Thanks to those vets that didn’t make it back home to make memories with their families so that I could with mine. Also thanks to the vets that did do their “duty” and made it home. I am proud to be in your number and I remember those in my family that served (Uncle Willy and Aunt Arline) and passed on with some fond and funny memories. I miss you all.

mood: relieved

Well. The good news is – I didn’t screw up my surgery at all. I did get to have a gander at Dr Bosley’s handiwork. Kind of interesting to see I thought. It might have been my bath in the jacuzzi that started all this nonsense.

The bad news is because I have all the metal handiwork, they do not drain fluid out of it and I have to let nature do her thing. Who knows for how long a time period though? I need to keep the leg up in elevation, iced and wrapped in ace bandage.

So my knee looks freaky.

I had a Vietnam Vet Mash Unit tech take care of me. When I was describing the “smooshieness of my knee” he replied that I must have been in the Air Force. When I corrected him with the Navy, he told me he would talk slower.

I told him I would give him a dictionary.

I have missed this kind of banter, enormously.

It was only 3 hours of waiting. Kenny got to experience the weirdness of some of the guys – including one man that would shout out koo-koo every so often. Gary did drive us down so I had one less thing to stress about.

Who did Koji miss the most? Kenny – This tickled him to no end. I was glad that he got to enjoy that. He didn’t know what to do with the little guy jumping all over him giving him lots of little puppy kisses. All he could do was giggle.

mood: stressed

In the midst of my woes, a bright ray of sunshine appears.

I have almost everything done that I need to do in order to go to the emergency room this afternoon. Last night, I was watching the finale of “24” with my leg up when my sister called. I generally don’t mind even though she mainly calls way late when I am putting Kenny to bed, but I really wanted to see this ending. I ended calling her back some 15 minutes later.

I had her on speaker phone when I called back and when she asked, ”and how are you?” I let her have it with both barrels between the eyes that how pissed I was with the whole damn family that could not spare a moment of time for Kenny when I had an emergency – and I was really tired of it.

She laughed. I swear I grew up with 3 siblings that are mental, not one.

I sure was glad when another call buzzed in – especially when I hadn’t heard that voice in such a long time. I was tickled to hang up on my little sis to take that call.

Gal, you have NO idea on how much you have lifted my spirits and Kenny’s. I am so amazed that some of my friends don’t hesitate and reach out to me and Kenny. Thank you so much for the call – I will call you after Memorial Day and Kenny will talk to you too.

You can bet I thank my lucky stars that I have joined a certain group of people and that I can call them my friends.

And what Gary found out today? He is an aneurysm waiting to happen. Although his heart, veins and arteries to the heart are A-ok, his vein from the back of the skull is blocked (and had made it’s own new vein by-pass). So I have something real to fret about, It is what has been causing his TIA’s and headaches. We have a monster to blame.

mood: pissed off

Shit, fire and damnation! I have to go to the emergency room about my knee. The earliest I can go is tomorrow afternoon.

Shit!

I HATE being so dependent on other people. I have NO ONE to be with Kenny at all.

mood: crappy

Crap it all anyhow!

I think I have water or yet fluid on the knee that I fell on. It is smooshie and swollen and hurts somewhat.

I need to call ortho and make an appointment to get it drained or at least looked at. I really hope the damage is minimal.

I did have some good news – Kenny was able to walk from his bedroom to the bathroom – with no pain! Maybe the dosage increase helped. We will monitor this very closely to be sure.

Well. There goes the rest of my day! L

mood: sleepy

So I was a good girl. I called the county auditor’s office to report a check issued to me for jury duty was not earned. Was told what to do and it is now ready to be mailed back.

I could have used the money, but I need someone auditing in the future even less.

It sucks sometimes to do the right thing.

I am hoping that by increasing Kenny’s dosage of ibuprofen to 500mg twice daily will do the trick and lessen his hip from hurting so he can walk just a little. We won’t be able to go to Tappan unless he can as I don’t yet have a ramp into the mobile home and his wheelchair will not fit into his bedroom door, or the bathroom one.

I am sleeping too much – I guess the depression is winning this round damn it.

mood: contemplative

You know when you log into MySpace, in the upper right corner there are advertisements that I think are generated by an individuals Google searches. At least that is what I think. I had done a pretty extensive search recently for a cobalt Soup Tureen that my youngest broke because he was too fricken lazy to take it off the top of the fridge when he opened the above the fridge cupboard.

I found that the company who made them had discontinued them and I ended up getting a plain cheap white one.

Anyhow, I noticed that they were displaying tureens – and they had one in my china pattern – Royal Albert Moonlight and Roses. Now I only have enough china for 4 people and it has taken me years to get this stuff because it is expensive and of course, I liked the expensive shit.

The price got me for this particular item - $539. Five hundred and thirty nine dollars. If I had need of one when I was using my china, I’d use my cheap $39 one from Sears.

I think I will Google up a slew of sex toys. Might as well see something to give me a chuckle instead of a heart attack when I log into MySpace!

mood: scared

I thought this day would be easier, but unfortunately it isn’t.

How do I explain to Kenny that I don’t think he should walk anymore? That he needs now to spend the rest of his days in a wheelchair? That he give up that smallest member of independence forever? He doesn’t understand.

It now is hurting his hip when he walks – to the point of bringing him to tears.

And he is choking more when he eats. This is a joint venture of both eating too fast and shoveling too much food in his mouth and not swallowing what he has before putting more in. His breathing and swallowing mechanisms are screwing up to boot.

Lord, this is going to be one really sucky day.

To top that all off, the accountant put us as a joint married couple instead of filing separately and we have a huge tax bill in which to pay. Let’s just say it is over what my truck cost new.

::sigh::

I really am trying not to let Kenny in on any of my stress – he gets too upset when I am.

I need a drink.

On the writing gig ~ I have written one chapter and started on 3 others. It certainly helps.

mood: creative

So, in my spare time (LMAO) I have decided to write. I read lots of stuff daily and many books. I do have my favorites ~ not that I am a murder mystery type of fan, but I tend to really like the paranormal type stuff.

With what all I am going through, I thought some stuff would make an excellent story so I am going to give it a go. I really got hooked on the Twilight saga ~ gads, if this was written when I was in high school, I would have gone bonkers over the “hero” but alas, I just had to grow up!

A person is told to write what they know best and I have so many thoughts and dreams that I am going to give it a try. Stephanie Meyer wrote her saga from a dream she had (of the meadow scene) and it went on from there. It gave me an idea that I am going to use. I just about have one chapter written and will write more when my Muse and time hits me smack dab in the face. I don’t have a time table for all of this – it is for my enjoyment right now.

Haven’t you ever had a dream and it was so good and compelling that you just didn’t want to wake up? Or if you did wake up, want to continue that particular dream? I do all the time. For the most part, I love my dreams.

I will put my chapters in no particular order following a rudimentary outline that I have in place. I must say that I love being able to use my computer for this (and flash drive) as well as having Word to keep my progress in order.

I think this will be fun as well as give me an outlet that I need.

mood: creative

I watched Twilight yesterday – I wanted to see more! Was it as good as the book? Not quite – the book is more detailed, but I have to admit that they do a very good job at telling the story. There are even some references of what was to come, though you had to have read the books to catch them. I thought that only a few points that tie the stories together were missing, but not enough to make a big difference.

I was mildly surprised that I enjoyed the books so much as they are written more in the 1^st person of a high school girl. She was very mature for her age though.

There are a lot of similarities between the Twilight’s author (Stephanie Meyer) and Christine Feehan’s series of the Dark Carpathians. I enjoyed both of them. I did write to Christine and got a rather nice reply from her. I had told her about what happened when I read her latest book while under the influence of too many prescribed drugs. Hmmm. I should jot that story down as Twilight’s author wrote her story of Bella and Edward from a dream.

I guess I like stories about vampires ~ but they have to be good vampires!

It is raining and is a bunch cooler here. I have plenty to do indoors to keep me busy, if I want to keep busy! It seems like a good time to curl up with a good book and a cup of coffee if you ask me.

mood: busy

Well, I didn’t get everything accomplished that I wanted to, but I did get a good start! I hurt my left knee somehow Saturday – which was a booger as it really was so pretty outdoors. So I brought out Kenny in his electric wheelchair and let him roam the neighborhood and I kept an eye out.

After a good dose of muscle relaxant and one of my “super” pain pills and 9 hours of sleep, I was good to go this morning. We didn’t wake up until almost 10! Both of us are slugs.

After Kenny care, I cut the grass and picked up trash, fertilized the lawn, dragged my tropical plants back in the garage and tidied everything up. After our rain and cold snap, I will wash my rocker, patio table and patio and put out the carpet and clean cushions. Keeping an eye on the temps, I won’t put out the tropical plants until the temps don’t dip below 40. This has been the 1^st year I have been able to keep those suckers alive and not have them indoors all winter. I hope to have my spare / sewing room done by next fall and I will put them in there instead of in the garage with a radiator / oil heater. Only 1 peace lily was lost – so that isn’t too bad or costly.

I lost all the tulips and spring flowers on the right side of the dogwood garden. Luckily I have pictures in which to replicate them. Also the mums from that side are gone. This was all due to the dumb dogs we had over here. Yes, Koji got into the act also. He keeps out of there for the most part as he knows this is a no-no area. I picked up a box of Stargazer lilies that I want to put in for some summer fragrance. This will hopefully get done sometime this week.

Still is hard to get out of chairs with no arms. Bummer for me as almost all my chairs here are like that. Hopefully I will be able to get up more gracefully soon.